Terms & Conditions of The House

By entering or otherwise engaging with The House, you agree to abide by the following terms. Failure to comply may result in polite but firm reminder to stop being a princess.

1. Definitions

   1. "The House" refers to the physical dwelling, associated garden, shed, porch, moat and underground bunker(s).
   2. "Resident" means any person, creature, plushie or object with googly eyes who occupies the property for more than a day.
   3. "Guest" means you, the reader.

2. Access & Conduct

   1. Shoes may be removed upon entry unless the floor is dirty or otherwise frightening.
   2. No murder is tolerated on the premises.
   3. "You know who" should not, under any circumstance, be allowed to arm wrestle.
   4. No unaligned agi inside the house (except for maurice).

3. Use of Facilities

   1. Kitchen access is granted on a "wash what you use" basis.
   2. All food is free for you to eat, but replacing what you finish is appreciated.
   3. The garden is open for foraging. However, harvesting of vegetables requires verbal consent from at least one (1) plant.

4. Liability

   1. The House is not liable for arm wrestling injuries.
   2. Guests accept full responsibility for any emotional bonds formed with Maurice.

5. Termination of Stay

   1. Parting hugs are encouraged but not necessary.

By entering The House, you confirm that you have read, understood, and agreed to these terms, or at the very least, have scrolled to the end of the page without reading.