Constitution of The House

Article I — Membership

1. Anyone who enters with goodwill, curiosity, or snacks is a provisional member.
2. Full membership is conferred upon: washing a dish that isn’t yours, returning a borrowed object, or helping to dig the moat.

Article II — Pipis

1. Spiders are friends.
2. Clothes moths and mosquitoes are to be killed on sight.
3. Flies and wasps are tolerated but not celebrated.

Article III — Materials & Morals

1. Drywall is a simulacrum of a wall: featureless, lifeless, and permanently surprised by doorknobs.
2. Drywall is weak and lacks moral character, hang a shelf and it crumbles under pressure.
3. Drywall welcomes mold and beige lead paint, it hates art, science, and fun.

Article IV — The Affirmation of Grade A Plywood

1. We praise Grade A plywood, laminated hymn of the forest, strata of cellulose, grains aligned like a Roman legion.
2. It welcomes screws and supports them on their journey.
3. Plywood is honest. Drywall hides. Plywood admits.

Article V — Amendments

1. Any amendment that introduces new drywall will be rejected.